I’m never really sure how I feel about New Year’s resolutions. Many years I’ve set unrealistic goals, vague, nonspecific ones or none at all. This year there are a few things I’m determined to accomplish, so I’m going to make a more focused effort.

I’ve failed at:

• Organizing 23 years of family photos. An overwhelming task, as we have more than 100 photos of our 21-year-old’s first week of life. It only gets worse from there.
• Fitting into a pair of size ?? jeans. You didn’t really think I was going to say what size, did you?
• Cleaning out 23 years of clutter. My husband used to keep those little black plastic cylindrical cases that held rolls of film. Remember film?
• Never using a word I wouldn’t publish in a church bulletin. I work with computers. Enough said?
• Watch less TV. Really?

Any expert will tell you goals must be specific, realistic and measurable. I think it helps if there are milestones along the way. So this is what I’m trying for this year.

I’ve put it in writing not because it’s fascinating to read, but for the sake of accountability and the hope that it will force me to focus more intently. I’m going to allow myself a relaxing New Year’s holiday, then it’s get-serious time on Monday, January 4.

What are your resolutions and how do you plan to keep them?

In today’s economy, more of us are eating in than eating out. This suits me fine, as I love a crowd at the family dinner table — we’ve been known to squeeze as many as 14 people around our table for six. I enjoy having people in our home, whether it’s a Christmas party for 15 families in our home on five minutes’ notice and or a cocktail buffet for 45 after months of planning.

Our house is far from perfect; in fact there are several rooms that are somehow stalled in the redecoration process, but my guests aren’t coming for a home show. Don’t let that stop you from inviting friends into your home; just use what you do have creatively and focus on relationships and interaction more than the environment.

Here are my seven tips for lively, low-stress, fun dinner parties:

1. The House Get it cleaned up and ready several days ahead of time. Then you can focus on food and table prep rather than dust and dirty toilets. Once it’s ready, walk out the front door, and walk back in as if you were visiting for the first time. It’s likely you’ll notice things you wouldn’t otherwise catch.
2. Table Get it ready at least one or two days ahead. If you have more than one dining area, one table can be completely set up ahead of time. We use the kitchen table for appetizers, so I just stack the place settings near the table until it’s time to quickly set up.
3. Food Get to know mise en place. Literally means put in place. Do all of the food prep such as measuring, chopping, slicing and peeling before you begin to cook. Depending on the ingredients, some of this can be done a day ahead. Not only does this save time the day of the party, it helps you get a head start on the prep dishes.
4. Flow For a buffet, separate drinks from food to help with traffic flow. Serve from whatever space you have — I use the stovetop. For a sit-down dinner, Jim and I plate the food assembly-line style just before seating everyone so they don’t sit down to empty plates.
5. Plan for Extras You never know when someone will bring an extra person. For a larger party, I typically plan for about 10 percent more than the number of invited guests and enjoy the leftovers if we don’t need the extra food.
6. Relax There is no bigger party buzzkill than a stressed-out host. Your friends will remember the time with you more than the perfection of your house, the table or whether or not your sauce breaks. Keep it in perspective and don’t forget to enjoy the people.
7. Cleanup is Not Part of the Party I never let my guests do dishes. The last thing they remember should be conversation and good times — not the remains of someone else’s plate. Clear an area where dishes can be quickly stacked, then take the focus off cleanup — move to another room or serve coffee or dessert. Think of clean-up time as a way to unwind after everyone leaves; pour one more glass of wine and attack the dishes after the party.

It’s so hard to let go. I thought I had mastered it after Elizabeth, 20, left for college, which left Sara Ann, 16, as our only child at home.

I was her primary mode of transportation and it made for some valuable one-on-one time in the car that I came to treasure. Until August 1. She got her driver’s license that day and suddenly she didn’t need my driving services anymore. Now it’s just a text message to tell me where she is and where she will go next.

That hit me hard. I thought I had two more years to finish the letting go process; it never occurred to me that it must start now.

She sets her own alarm to wake up so I really don’t have to get up in the morning. But I want to hug her, watch her leave and remind her that I love her.

She can make her own lunch, but I do that, too, because when she sits down to eat I want her to remember that someone knows just how she likes her peanut butter and jelly and whether or not she is tired of carrots and ranch dip.

And even though it’s just the three of us, we eat together around the table as much as her schedule allows, because Jim and I want her to know that even if she is our only child at home, she is still worth setting the table for.

For the next two years, I’m going to let go where I must and hold on where I can.

We love sitting in our backyard. Unfortunately, it only looks good in very carefully cropped photos. Lots of trees, which is nice for shade, but not for grass growth. And two dogs who like to dig holes.

So this year, we decided that even though it looks like crap, we would enjoy it anyway. So we got some citronella torches and cleaned up the patio table & chairs. So now we cook out every chance we get, sit out on the patio and watch the sun set and just overlook the weeds and the bare dirt.

And … it looks pretty cool through a glass of Chardonnay. I snapped this pic tonight with my iPhone -